perfectly aligned

yesterday's cotton underwear and your favorite blue shirt

2008-05-20T15:54:13Z

the night i left, i ran my fingertips over every part of your face in an effort to memorize it.
it was then that i realized
there is not a single ugly thing about you.

ispillalot @ 2008-05-08T13:53:00

2008-05-08T18:20:23Z

i've got this thing that i consider my only art of fucking people over

selective seclusion

2008-03-17T02:49:31Z

i wonder whether or not living alone is good for my emotional stability.

ispillalot @ 2007-11-29T13:18:00

2007-11-29T18:26:30Z

one of my professors told me at the beginning of the semester that college would drain every drop of creative energy i once had.

i now believe her entirely.

ispillalot @ 2007-11-12T22:14:00

2007-11-13T03:26:36Z

i just turned off all the lights in my room and i'm burning an orange candle and playing norwegian wood on repeat as loud as my shitty ipod headphones can go. i can only hope that if i drown out my senses, my emotions will finally catch up with the rest of me. i spend a lot of my time walking outside with these same headphones attached to me, if not just to drown out the sounds of college life, to sort of serve as a good friend for the time being. i walk with my head down. if i accidentally make eye contact, i give an awkward smile and keep walking.
is it possible to be nostalgic and apathetic at the same time?

ispillalot @ 2007-07-19T00:01:00

2007-07-19T04:12:57Z

lately when i dream, i've been standing somewhere up high. the sun is setting on a rooftop or a mountain or someplace with a view. i'm hanging my laundry and there's a tall, barefoot boy behind me with a beard and a t-shirt and an acoustic guitar and he's singing really softly about cold beaches and wine.
it's not warm and we drink our coffee black and tangle our legs together and whisper about the lives of the people flying in planes above us.
it's something that's as far from sad as i've ever known.

ispillalot @ 2007-03-05T21:39:00

2007-03-06T02:40:19Z

it seems like everybody i know is trying to cure or prevent their insanity by participating in talk therapy or taking antidepressants.
i, personally, have never been so close to shaving my head.

i bought a red leather notebook yesterday, i think i'll start writing in that.
i have a lot of feelings.

ispillalot @ 2007-02-19T21:37:00

2007-02-20T02:53:11Z

i drove home tonight with my windows down and my heat broken and i sang our songs from the summer, and for the first time in months, i felt invincible.
it's all falling back into place.

part of me expected my recent lack of contentment to linger, but part of me knew that my mild bout of winter depression would melt with the snow and the end of the speech season.
i have a few weeks before either of those are gone for good, but i can't wait. there's nothing better than the first warm night of the year, when you can drive with your windows down and sleep with your windows down and play the sanguine music that winter won't allow.

i should start sleeping more. it should be easy now that the weight of the world is off my shoulders.
and i'm pretty sure i'm in love.

ispillalot @ 2007-02-08T18:43:00

2007-02-08T23:46:33Z

i feel like my life will either begin or end on february 17.

ispillalot @ 2006-12-18T22:47:00

2006-12-19T04:01:27Z

i really do love you, and talking to you every once in a while would be nice. you and everybody thinks i'm depressed when really i'm just exceptionally worn out. with standards and everything, it's hard to keep up. remember summer? i ask you that a lot. you say yeah, and you usually smile and shake your head and look at the ground like you always do when i talk in circles. like now, now you would be shaking your head.
yesterday an old dark woman saw me crying in my car at a stoplight and she held up her hand and smiled at me, which made me cry harder because i shouldn't have even been crying in the first place when i'm surrounded by people holding up their hands at me and smiling.
i went to the library by myself this afternoon, and even though i didn't shower today, i felt like the cleanest person there. and i've been doing a lot of community service lately for no real reason, and that makes me feel clean in a different way.

ispillalot @ 2006-11-23T10:22:00

2006-11-23T15:22:20Z

they're engaged
!!!!!!!!!!!

ispillalot @ 2006-11-13T22:30:00

2006-11-14T03:30:06Z

usually i'm so cliche about these kinds of things, but right now i'm feeling kind of groggy and lumpy and i want winter to just dissolve into spring, but it aches when i think about the dozens of extemp speeches i have yet to write this season and how it's my last extemp season ever and in less than nine months i won't call this section of ohio home anymore.
then i get to thinking about all my complicated relationships and how organized they really are in the back of my twisted little mind and how i manage to organize my twisted little mind into areas like i organize my emails.
life, college, speech, school.
i have a constant stomachache.
and today's my seven month anniversary.

ispillalot @ 2006-09-24T22:10:00

2006-09-25T02:24:18Z

i don't normally ask for things, but i have a personal request.

i need cassettes. mix tapes, favorite albums on cassette, anything! just good music on tape.
since my 1987 ford escort doris rolled into my life a month ago, i've been listening to nothing but NPR and bad 80s mix stations. this week, as a birthday gift, she's getting a tape deck put in! so exciting.

please, as a special birthday favor? for my seventeenth and doris' twentieth.

peace, love, and aural pleasure,
katie

ispillalot @ 2006-07-16T00:17:00

2006-07-16T04:39:05Z

sometimes now
i use four letter words i never believed in
body and body
but more feeling than anything

i've been burned by the spark that lights your eyes
i do follow you
patient
wrapped up in invisible ribbons
my hands are tied
tied to your hands

i'll tell you all of this
when i can remember to breathe

ispillalot @ 2006-05-07T10:08:00

2006-05-07T14:14:20Z

we found a new kind of dance in a magazine
tried it out its like nothing you've ever seen

ispillalot @ 2006-04-28T20:31:00

2006-04-29T00:31:35Z

spring found me!!

ispillalot @ 2005-08-28T12:07:00

2005-08-28T16:10:35Z

ireland was amazing

haaaha i'm wearing the same shirt in all of these pictures.

2005-08-08T18:06:01Z

a lot happened friday night, mackenzie and i became part of the college experience. i remember being surrounded by a lot of kent state boys with funny haircuts and monster voices. i stood on a table and sang paul simon songs, mackenzie jumped into the pool with her clothes on, and i lost my favorite shoes! all in all, it was a great night. saturday night, we played laser tag and ended up playing (mostly sober) spin the bottle at mark's. needless to say, i don't think any of us have ever had so many akward kisses in a one-hour period. even though it was stupid fun, i remember coming home extremely happy. last night was really mellow. a small group just sat in mark's garage and listened to the beach boys (and mike) sing some beautiful songs. it was really relaxing. i ended up feeling lonesome when i came back to my house, and i have come to the conclusion that it's because i didn't seriously kiss anybody last night. sometimes i'm really irrational. i will really miss this summer.

ispillalot @ 2005-06-02T18:50:00

2005-06-02T22:52:32Z

ispillalot @ 2005-05-10T18:06:00

2005-05-10T23:20:50Z

you and i were lying in a twin bed without blankets and a bowl between us and i asked you what you thought of me. "when it rains, you're the only person i know who takes her jacket off," you said, "and when you kiss me, you hold your hands at the weakest part of my neck, like you're saving me from something."

ispillalot @ 2005-03-01T19:41:00

2005-03-02T00:38:37Z

ispillalot @ 2005-02-17T21:15:00

2005-02-18T02:32:01Z

i need to stop this running in the middle of the night thing. i wish i had more faith in everything, so maybe i could stop doubting it all.

i've been preoccupied by several things recently, including boys with big hair and thick eyebrows.
what! and learning how to be hotter and flirt better. yeah, good luck.

i don't make sense and i am officially burnt out on everything. oh and we all have terrible hygiene.
terrible!

ispillalot @ 2005-01-18T18:49:00

2005-01-19T00:00:02Z

ispillalot @ 2005-01-04T17:43:00

2005-01-04T22:46:53Z

theres only so many brain cells that you can burn

ispillalot @ 2004-12-06T07:32:00

2004-12-07T00:35:24Z

because, you know
i'm feeling better than ever now
and i don't know how you do it

but thanks